How About A Little Perspective?

I am not sure why it is, but I seem to do some of my best soul-searching while running on the treadmill. Maybe it's because it is one of the only times during my day when I can escape everything else around me and just think and talk with God. Well, Monday morning, I had the chance to do this. It had been a wonderful weekend of great family time and some good "breaks" for me and there I was, facing another week...and facing my depression about our situation.

As I was running and listening to some good music and talking to God, I felt Him speaking to me. And suddenly, it was like the windows opened up and the sun came shining in. I realized that I have been outwardly "accepting" our current circumstances...but I have been inwardly refusing it. I have basically been saying to God (in my well-perfected passive way) that I am not okay with this change of events so I am going to focus on the negative and allow Satan to discourage me and throw a little pity party for myself. I have been bemoaning to everyone how terrible it is and how much I hate my life right now, etc., etc.

I realized that I haven't been looking at the good things. I haven't even been trying to find the joy in the midst of this trial. And, worst of all, I haven't been allowing God to use this time to grow my faith and teach me something. After all of this hit me, I asked for forgiveness and asked for His strength to help me live each day with joy and thankfulness in my heart. That doesn't mean that I still won't have difficult days or times when I feel hopeless or moments where I am lonely and stressed. But, I now CHOOSE to focus on the good...and in those hard times, remind myself that "this too shall pass".

I Believe

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt; I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything.
So I'll stand in the pain and silence,
And I'll speak to the dark night...

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining.
I believe in love even when I don't feel it;
And I believe in God even when He is silent.

Though I can't see my stories ending,
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end.
It's only here that I find faith,
And learn to trust the one who writes my days.
So I'll stand in the pain and silence,
And I'll speak to the dark night...

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining.
I believe in love even when I don't feel it;
And I believe in God even when He is silent.

No dark can consume Light;
No death greater than this life.
We are not forgotten.
Hope is found when we say...

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining.
I believe in love even when I don't feel it;
And I believe in God even when He is silent.
And I, I believe...

Long Time, No Change

I know it has been a while since I've posted anything. Time just got away from me. My mom was here for 2 weeks, which was wonderful (thanks to her for all her help)! And Ryan has started traveling for work, so I'm just treading water over here! We have had a good amount of showings on the house, but people seem to have one complaint or another (no granite and SS appliances, great room is too small, etc.). It is very frustrating and this new schedule we have as a family is wearing on all of us. Ryan has to leave the house so early each morning because it takes him almost 2 hours to get to work...and then he doesn't get home until 7:00pm each night. So, he gets to see the kids for only an hour (if that) before it's bedtime. And we don't get to eat meals together anymore.

It has definitely taken a toll on me and I've found myself struggling more emotionally than I anticipated. I try to remind myself that this is all part of God's plan and so maybe He is trying to teach me something through this...but some days it's hard to see the silver lining. Also not knowing how permanent this solution will be makes it difficult. Because if the house doesn't sell in 6 months, we will take it off the market and stay here until next summer...thus continuing the commuting schedule for Ryan. I know I shouldn't complain because I have friends whose husbands travel and are gone much more than this. But, I think it's all relative based on what you are used to. I am hoping once we adjust to this "new kind of normal" it won't be so hard.

All of that to say that we would certainly appreciate your prayers - that the house would sell and close before August 1st (so Lauren can be settled and start school up there) and that I will make it through this transition time without losing my sanity!!