The Longest Day

Well, we finally made it to Oregon...after 17 hours! The day started off well when the lady at the ticket counter said she would let Ryan come through security with us and help me to the gate. I was so thrilled and it was a very good thing, because our plane was 30 minutes late. So, he was able to keep Lauren entertained and spend a few more precious moments with us before we boarded the flight. Once we got on the plane (at 1:00pm), Lauren did great - coloring and playing with her toys and looking out the window. And Nolan nursed during take-off so we didn't have any ear pressure problems and fell asleep on me halfway through the flight.

But, around 3:30, which is when we were supposed to land in Houston, I noticed that we weren't even descending yet. Finally, around 3:45 the pilot came on the intercom and said that we had been circling Houston airport for a while, but couldn't land due to thunderstorms. They had closed down the airport and were re-routing us to Lafayette, Louisiana to land and refuel until the storm passed. Obviously, at that point I was concerned, but I thought as long as we didn't miss our connecting flight (we had an hour and a half layover in Houston), we would be okay. So, we landed in Louisiana and sat on the tarmac waiting...and waiting...and waiting. After 5 hours, we were finally cleared for takeoff and headed back towards Houston. Lauren was tired and starving (she hadn't eaten lunch yet even!) and Nolan had barely taken any naps longer than 20 minutes. I was doing my best to hold it together emotionally, knowing full well that we had missed our connection to Portland hours ago...and praying under my breath that we could get another flight out.

We landed in Houston and I immediately found a ticketing agent - she said that the flight to Portland had already left and the next one out was at 9:45pm...but it was full. She told me that I could go on standby for that flight, but if we didn't make it, the next one out wasn't until the following afternoon. That pretty much threw me over the edge. I burst into tears and quickly dialed Ryan's cell phone number. He helped calm me down, told me to go get some food and rest and then head to the gate where the Portland flight was and talk to the ticketing agent.

The only problem with this plan was that the Houston airport was a madhouse! It had been shut down for 5 hours, so there were a million people there, all trying to get to their destinations and having no sympathy for me in my situation. So, there I am carrying Nolan in the front pack, pushing the carseat and stroller in front of me with one hand and holding Lauren's hand with the other to make sure we don't get separated. We did get her some pizza and then made our way back to the gate we were supposed to be at (after they changed it on us twice).

Once we were finally to our gate, I stood in line for well over an hour at the ticket counter, trying to find someone to tell my sob story to, hoping they would give us priority on the stand-by. Meanwhile, there are 5 people in front of me and even more behind me in line, all trying to do the same thing. After an hour, I called Ryan and told him I didn't think we were going to make it and we started to discuss plan B. He decided to try and call the airline and work it from another angle. Well, whatever he did must have worked, because a supervisor came over to the ticket counter shortly after that and called out, "Smith, party of 2". And I screamed, "That's me!" She said, "Come over here." And I asked her, "Are we getting on this flight?" She said yes and I completely fell apart sobbing. I was so relieved and tired and thrilled all at the same time. Lauren kept saying, "Mommy, don't cry, we're getting on the plane." And all I could do was praise the Lord because I knew He truly worked this miracle because He knew I couldn't bear anymore.

We finally got on the plane headed for Portland. Nolan only screamed for 15 minutes before falling asleep in my arms. Lauren lasted about an hour and a half and then slept for the remainder of the flight. I closed my eyes and thought, "Lord, I don't know how you got me through this day, but You did and I am so grateful." I have never been so happy to see my parents in all my life. They were there to greet us with open arms and big smiles at 12:30am. We got back to their house and crashed, so thankful that the day was over and it was one we will never have to relive again!!

Countdown to Fun

Only 4 more days and we will be back home in Oregon! We are getting so excited for our month-long trip. Lauren can’t wait to play with her cousins and get spoiled by her grandparents. And I am very anxious to meet my new nephew and for the rest of my family to see Nolan for the first time. It will be a wonderful visit for us, but we are going to miss Ryan terribly. Thankfully, we only have to make it 2 weeks before he will fly out and join us for a long weekend in the middle of our trip.

Please pray that I survive the flight out on my own with the two kids and that Nolan doesn’t scream the whole time! We’ve never taken a baby on a plane, so this will be a first…and I’m doing it alone (I must be crazy). But, I knew it was the only way I could get out to Oregon, so however it goes, it will be worth it.

As for the update on Nolan, there isn’t much to report. He is definitely doing better back on the Prilosec, but his symptoms have only stayed the same…not improved. We have three more chiropractic appointments this week before we leave and I am thinking about taking him in to see our old pediatrician back home when we are there. It wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion…and if he recommends the Upper GI, we can do it there and then I will have my mom to go with me for emotional support!

It may be a while before I post another blog since we will be busy with family, but I will try to put up some pictures in a couple weeks of our summer vacation in Oregon. :)

Back to Square One

Well, after a week on the new medication (Prevacid), we only saw a worsening of symptoms in Nolan – no improvement. So, we are now switching back to the Prilosec. We will give it one more week on the old medication, combined with the chiropractic therapy…if we see no progress, then we will reluctantly move forward with scheduling the Upper GI. I don’t know what the results of that test will actually show us or how it will help us determine what to do, but it is the only way to truly “see inside” of him to view what’s going on.

We also had an appointment this week with the lactation nurse (again) and she was able to weigh him before and after a feeding. He had lost weight since the last time he was weighed. And, although it was only an ounce, it was hard for me. She also determined that because he hasn’t been eating well, despite all my efforts, my milk supply has decreased. So, I am now taking herbs to try and boost it back to the level where it needs to be for him right now. We will follow up with her again in another week to have him weighed and make sure that he has gained. If he hasn’t, that will also be an indicator that the Upper GI must be performed.

Every time we try something new, whether it be a medication or physical therapy or even a different feeding position, I keep hoping that this will be “it”…that this will be the thing that will cure him. I don’t know why I keep expecting a miraculous recovery when all the doctors have told us he will have this condition for a while. But, I keep hoping against hope that somehow he will wake up one morning pain-free. Until then, I am doing my best to stay positive and appreciate the good moments, however few and far between.

In Your Hands

I'm crying out to you today,
Broken and weeping as I pray.
Unsure of where to go from here,
I cannot escape the worry and fear.

Every day it seems it's something new,
And I'm left second-guessing what we should do.
Afraid of where this road will lead,
But, I'm trusting You'll give me the strength I need.

I believe You are sovereign over all things.
So, I'll praise You no matter what this day brings.
And though none of this is what I planned,
I know his life is in Your hands.

Ray of Sunshine

Because my last post was so gloomy, I wanted to share some wonderful news with everyone. In the midst of our hardship, the Lord has blessed us again. On Friday, June 6th, Lauren asked Jesus into her heart!!

We had been reading in our devotions that morning about our need for a Savior, about heaven and hell, and that the punishment for sin is death. She has heard the story of Calvary many times and understood what the cross meant, but this time when we talked, I could really see the wheels in her head turning. At the end of the devotional, it asked if she wanted to invite Jesus into her heart. She said that she did, but that she wasn't ready yet. So, I left it at that and said a prayer that the seed had truly been planted.

Later that day, after we had eaten lunch and I had just finished changing Nolan's diaper, she came up to me and said, "I'm ready to ask Jesus into my heart now, Mommy." I was shocked. I said, "Are you sure? Right now?" She said, "Yeah, let's go sit on the couch and pray." So, I had her repeat after me and pray. Right after we said "Amen", she said "Mommy, now Jesus is in my heart and I can hear Him talk to me!" It was the most special moment of my life as a mother - I was crying uncontrollably and here's my little girl, dancing around the room because she's so excited to be saved.

We proceeded to call our family members back home and I let her share the good news with each of them. During her nap that day, I set up our dining room table for a fancy dinner - I gave Lauren the "You are Special today" plate and had a birthday cake for dessert. I explained to her that every year on June 6th, she will get a birthday cake and we will celebrate the day she became a Christian. As I prayed with Lauren before bed, I asked the Lord to "comfort her when she is sad or lonely, convict her when she is wrong, and bless her socks off!" We are so thrilled for her and can't wait to see what God is going to do in and through her in the years to come. :)

Another setback

Nolan had his first chiropractic appt on Monday and it went well. The first visit was more of a consultation – she explained to us the kind of work she does on infants and why it is needed for some babies. She also just felt around on his neck and back and was able to pinpoint two areas that definitely needed to be adjusted. But, she did no real work on him that day. We walked away from the appointment feeling comfortable with our decision to pursue this as a treatment option and we scheduled two follow up appointments with her for Wednesday and Friday.

When we went back on Wednesday, she was able to do some “pressure point” adjusting on Nolan. He was as happy as could be the entire time, just smiling at her, like he knew that she was trying to help him feel better. After that day, everything changed. Thursday was one of the best days we have had since Nolan was born. He was taking better naps, not screaming during feedings and was so happy. I was a believer! When we went back to see the chiropractor on Friday, I told her how great things had been and when she inspected the area of his back she had worked on, she could tell that things were right where they were supposed to be. She still has an area on his neck that she needs to continue to treat. So we will go back a few more times for that. But, we are definitely seeing an improvement in him.

Now, for the bad news. Because our pediatrician back home had recommended Prevacid to us, we decided we had waited long enough and this weekend was the time to switch him over to the new medication. We were basically out of the Prilosec anyway, so we figured it made sense to start the new drug, instead of refilling the old one. The problem with the Prevacid is that it is only made in a solutab form…which means, if you were an adult, you would put the tablet on your tongue and let it dissolve. But, for an infant, you have to dissolve the tablet in water and dispense it through a syringe to them. The problem is that the tablet does not completely dissolve – it just dissipates into these little pink beads…which stick to the syringe and it is impossible to get them all out. So, needless to say, he didn’t get the full dose he needed and we are struggling to find a way to get this medication into him.

Because of all this, he has had a very rough day – back to crying during feedings, not taking good naps…and I’m fearful of what the night will bring. I’m tempted to switch back to the Prilosec, only because it was in liquid form and so much easier for him to take. Plus, we were beginning to see him get better, until we decided to switch things up. Talk about miserable – the worst part about treating a child with a chronic illness is that you are constantly second guessing your decisions. Is he waking up early from his nap because he’s hungry or in pain? Is the medication working or is it the chiropractor’s work?

I feel sorry for him, so I find myself making exceptions I didn’t with Lauren. And because he sleeps so little during the day, the naps he does have are necessary for him, so we literally don’t leave the house unless we have to. All grocery shopping is done in the evening while Ryan is giving him a bottle. We don’t go on play-dates or out to lunch or to picnic at the park. I haven’t even taken him to church since he was dedicated on Mother’s Day. My friends from church give me a hard time because I haven't been to all the social events lately and, while I feel badly for being so disconnected right now, I am doing well to just be surviving and not having an emotional breakdown. It's frustrating and hard for people to understand who haven't been through an ordeal like this.

I know that one day life will return to normal and maybe I will have a healthy and happy child. But, some days it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel…and I guess today is just one of those days.

Look at These Two