Our New Home

We finally made it to Rochester!! We left at 9am Wednesday morning from Charlotte and arrived here Thursday evening at 5pm. The kids did so great in the car and we made some fun memories along the way. PLUS getting to drive through the snow-covered mountains of West Virginia was absolutely beautiful! The Lord provided us with good weather and safety the whole way. We saw so many accidents, people changing tires on the side of the road and even one car who hit a deer! So, we praised God that we had no problems driving both our cars across 4 states!!

Once we got to our new apartment, it was a bit of a shock. It was the only place available that Ryan could find and even though I had seen pictures, it was a little scarier in person. Walking around, I could see the hinges on the doors were all rusted. The tile grout in the bathroom was a dark grey from grime and dirt and the towels and sheets were scratchy. Panic started to come over me - I thought, "How can we possibly live here? Is this even safe for my kids?" I wanted to break down and cry, thinking this was home for the next 2 months.

But then the Lord brought some things to mind. This small, dingy apartment would be like a mansion for some people. We were blessed with a big beautiful house in North Carolina...but this small space is better than some families have their whole lives. Is there a roof over our heads? Is there hot water and heat? Do we all have beds to sleep in? Is there a working toilet? YES. It really brought things into perspective for me and I was able to praise God and realize how blessed we have been!

The best part was getting to share these same thoughts with my daughter when she had her emotional breakdown and asked if we could go home. I'm so thankful that she has Jesus in her heart and the Spirit has already worked to change her fear into joy. So, we have decided not just to "endure" this place, but to make the best of it and to CHOOSE to be happy here. The most important things have come with us on this journey - we have our memories, we have each other...and God is with us wherever we go! :)

The Countdown Has Begun

Only 1 week from now, we will wave goodbye to our NC home and embark on the 12-hour drive to Rochester, NY. It is happening so fast and there is still alot to be done. There is an almost fully packed bag or box in every room of our house right now and I keep adding to each one as I remember more things we will need up there! We were able to sell Nolan's crib, changing table and dresser on Craig's List, so he is currently sleeping on a mattress on the floor (we plan to buy him a twin bedroom set once we get settled in our new house). Each of the kids get their own Rubbermaid tote they can fill with the toys/animals they want to bring. But, with two smaller-size cars, we are quickly running out of room!

At the same time, in addition to packing, we are working hard to get our house ready to sell. Ryan has done a great job of organizing and cleaning out the garage. We had pressure-washers come out yesterday to clean the outside of the house and the gutters. Next comes the window-washing and deep cleaning of everything else indoors, plus a little touch-up painting. It's hard for it to truly feel like Christmas with all this moving busyness we have going on. But, we are doing our best to take little breaks and do some fun activities with the kids so they aren't robbed of their Christmas experience.

Despite all the craziness of our lives, we are excited for this new adventure. The kids are looking forward to our first family road trip and they think it is hilarious that Casey (our cat) will be in the car with us the whole way! They also will get to share a room in the corporate apartment where we will spend our first 60 days, so they can't wait for that. It will be a much smaller space for all of us to live in, but hopefully, it will bring us closer and we will make some fun memories!

Lauren has now "recovered" emotionally from saying goodbye to her friends and her old school. So, she is ready to make new friends and start at Webster Christian School in January. Ryan spent all last week working at his new job and is thrilled about the opportunity, the family-focused atmosphere and the great people he is working with. As for Nolan & I, we will be hanging out in the apartment alot, playing in the snow and going to the YMCA as much as possible! :)

New York or Bust!

Most of you already know that yesterday Ryan officially accepted the offer from SentrySafe in Rochester, NY. He is very excited as it seems like a great family-oriented company and will be step up for his career. They are equally excited to have him join the team and can't wait for him to get started.

From here, things now go into hyper-drive! We are flying up this Sunday-Wednesday to visit and pick a Christian school for Lauren. Then, Ryan will have his first week of work December 13-17th. Then we can enjoy the holidays as a family, but the day after Christmas, we have to take down all the decorations (including the tree) and get the house cleaned up and ready to sell...plus pack up our things to move to New York. We will begin the 12 hour drive on Wednesday, December 29th (both cars, the kids and our cat).

Once we arrive, they are providing 60 days temporary housing in a Residence Inn. If our house hasn't sold at the end of that time, they will pay for us to live up to 6 months in a rental property. And, of course, once our house in North Carolina sells, we can begin looking for a new home in New York.

The kids are taking all of the change very well so far. It really helps that Lauren is such an easy-going girl and that she has a strong walk with the Lord. She has expressed her fears and sadness, but she also trusts in her Savior...as do we! We are doing our best to view this move as a great adventure (even though none of it makes sense to us right now)!!

Thank you to everyone who has prayerfully supported us through this time of unemployment - we are grateful for each one of you! We will be sure to post new address and phone information as we get it and lots of pictures of our new city!

Our Last Week

We are currently in New York as I write this! The company Ryan received an offer from in Rochester flew us up for the weekend to check out the area as a family. The kids did fabulous on both plane rides and everyone is napping now, except for me because I am sick and cannot sleep! After this weekend's little adventure, we will drive to the airport in Rochester and Ryan will board a flight headed to Oregon, while the kids and I fly home to Charlotte. He is being flown back out to Portland to have final interviews with Danner (and we are hoping/expecting that they will be making him an offer).

This coming Thanksgiving week is our last week of living in the unknown. We honestly can't say which job we will take because we have no clue! We continue to wait on the Lord's leading and will only go where He tells us to. We have been praying so much for this as a family and as a couple. But, I have encouraged Ryan to spend some time on his own, fasting and praying by himself. So, he is going to take a trip up to Crowder's Mountain next week to hike and pray and seek God's will.

Our hearts desire is to be with family again someday, but with the job in Oregon requiring 50% or more travel time for Ryan, we are not sure if this is the right opportunity to move back for. I have already gone through my grieving process, so to speak, and will be prepared if NY is the job he takes. Even though it will mean starting all over again in a new town where we don't know a single soul...we are confident that God will provide for us, as He always has.

We ask for your continued prayers for our family and we will let you know once a decision has been made!!

Surrender

My hands hold safely to my dreams,
Clutching tightly, not one has fallen.
So many years I've shaped each one,
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.

Now You're asking me to show,
What I'm holding oh so tightly.
Can't open my hands, can't let go.
Does it matter, should I show You?
Can't You let me go?

Surrender, surrender,
You whisper gently.
You say I will be free,
I know, but can't You see?
My dreams are me.

Say You have a plan for me,
And that You want the best for my life.
Told me the world had yet to see,
What You can do with one that's committed to Your call.

I know, of course, what I should do,
That I can't hold these dreams forever.
If I give them now to You,
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

Surrender, surrender,
You whisper gently.
You say I will be free,
I know, but can't You see?
My dreams are me.

A Lesson from 1st Grade

Lauren told us that her class was doing the lesson for chapel this week at school. So, Nolan and I went to watch her...little did I know what was in store for me! First, they did a "play" about Noah's ark and acted it all out (Lauren was the dove). Then, the teacher talked about God's faithfulness - she said God was asking Noah to do something that didn't make sense to him or his family or anyone else around him...BUT he chose to obey anyway, even though he didn't understand. This was when the waterworks started for me. Then the kids sang a song and the lyrics were:

"First you do what God tells you to do,
Then you wait for Him to follow through,
'Cause you know God's word is always true,
He'll do what He says He will do."

So, here I am, standing in the back of the room at an elementary school chapel, crying my eyes out - I mean it, I could NOT stop!! Poor Nolan was looking at me and saying, "Mommy ok?" as I'm pulling tissue after tissue out of my purse. It was like that whole service was just for me...and Lauren had never even mentioned what their chapel was about! The Lord works in the most incredible ways and I was so thankful that he chose to use the mouths of 1st graders to remind me of His faithfulness today!! Even though we don't understand why we are going through this time of uncertainty and we don't know where we will end up, God is calling us to obey Him by doing what He tells us to do and going where He tells us to go. And the best part? At the end of this storm will be a rainbow (just like Noah)!

Craft of the Week

This week I decided to do something less seasonal and more fun! We just made a big trip to Costco so we had a lot of empty cardboard food boxes. While it didn't end up being that structurally sound (I'm no architect)...we had fun making it and he loves using his new double-decker parking garage for his matchbox cars. You can make anything work with some duct tape! :)

The Search Begins...

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since Ryan lost his job. He has been hitting it hard, networking and getting his resume out there. And the response has been very encouraging. The last time he was laid off, it took 2 months to find something. This time, we aren't even at the 1 month mark and he has already had interviews! The companies he has interviewed with and are interested in him are located in very different places:

• Savannah, GA (just about the cutest Southern town ever)
• Winston-Salem, NC (we wouldn't have to move)
• Rochester, NY (brrrrr)
• Oregon City, OR (yay - home!)

Obviously, we have our ideas about which one we would prefer, but we are really wanting to follow the Lord's will for our family. Ryan has stayed very positive and, amidst all the job hunting, has really been enjoying his time at home. He has been able to take Lauren to school in the mornings, play cars with Nolan and have lunch-dates with me!! We are definitely making the most of having him here, but also prayerfully seeking God during this time of uncertainty. Thank you so much for all your prayers and encouragement - we will continue to keep you posted as things progress!

Hard Working Man

Nolan decided he needed to do some yard work this morning...













"Bye mom, I'm off to work!"














Mowing the front yard














Thumb up for a job well done!

Let the Waters Rise

Ryan lost his job with Remington today. We had a hint that it may happen soon - the company didn't have the best year and had laid off in other offices. So, it wasn't a huge shock, but still a big disappointment because he really LOVED his job. There were several others who were let go along with him - the company has some new management and they were wanting to reorganize.

As scary as it is to be in this place again, we can't help but look at all the ways the Lord has provided for us and blessed us in the months leading up to this - He did not allow our house to sell (being stuck up in Madison would have been awful!). We just recently made the decision not to go back to Oregon for Christmas, to try and save money (so glad we hadn't already spent the money and bought our tickets). We also just bought a home computer and an external hard drive and Ryan spent the better part of last weekend moving all our family pictures and videos off of his work computer and onto the hard drive (otherwise we would have lost all those memories)!!

It's so amazing when you can look back and see things God was doing, even though you had no idea at the time. He definitely works in mysterious ways! He has carried us through difficult times before and always provided exactly what we need...so we are choosing to stand unafraid and face this storm with confidence in His goodness and His plan. There is a song by Mike's Chair that keeps playing over and over in my head...

"Don't know where to begin,
It's like my world's caving in,
And I try, but I can't control my fear.
Where do I go from here?

Sometimes it's so hard to pray,
When you feel so far away.
But I am willing to go where You want me to.
God, I trust You.

There's a raging sea right in front of me,
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees.
So let the waters rise if You want them to.
I will follow You, I will follow You.

I will swim in the deep,
Because You'll be next to me.
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea.
You're never out of reach.

God, You know where I've been,
You were there with me then.
You've been faithful before, You'll be faithful again.
I'm holding Your hand.

There's a raging sea, right in front of me,
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees.
So, let the waters rise, if You want them to.
I will follow You, I will follow You."

New Fall Craft

This was the "craft of the week" that Nolan and I made today! He loved using the glue stick, but now everything is sticky!! So, I have to go wipe the whole table down - but it turned out pretty cute...we decided to name him "Sam", the Scarecrow. :)

Growth Spurt

Ryan took the kids out to the garage where we keep track of their height on the wall. He measured both of them and it seems they have each gone through major growth spurts. In the last 5 months, Nolan has grown 2 inches and Lauren has grown 1 inch!! I mean, we already have tall kids, so this puts them into "giant" territory! It's a good thing I buy all their clothes a little big and put nothing in the dryer!! :)

Another Day, Another Doctor

Anyone else tired of me talking about my aging body? Well, because I didn't already have enough going on...somehow I did something to my right knee. And by something, I mean extreme pain, HUGE swelling and inability to walk. I went into the doctor this morning and they did x-rays to make sure there were no broken bones (there wasn't). They put me on steroids for the swelling and I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor next week. He will most likely do an MRI to see if I have torn my meniscal or ACL and we'll go from there.

In the meantime, I am having to bear most of the weight, when I walk, on my left leg (which is the bad hip) so that is causing more hip/low back pain. Thankfully, I get my hip injection next Friday, so I will have to lay flat for the weekend and that will help give my knee a break. It is almost comical to think about all of these issues - I feel like an old woman!! Maybe all those years of running is finally catching up with me!

On the mono side of things, I saw the infectious disease doctor and it was a big fat waste of time. The good news was that there is no presence of an autoimmune disease in my system at this time. He said he had no explanation for why I keep getting this and I may just have a weak immune system. So, I have to learn to say "no", slow my pace down a bit and not get too stressed out.

I am trying my best to work with my new limitations. I can get through the mornings okay and then when Nolan goes down for a nap, I sleep too...which gives me just enough of a "boost" to make it through the afternoon and early evening until Ryan gets home. So, we are getting by for now. Some days I feel like I have more energy and some days I wake up feeling like I was hit by a truck. But, I know that is totally normal and hopefully I will start having more good days as time goes on.

Craft Time!

Nolan has really been enjoying his Sunday school class - now that he has moved up with the 2-3 years olds, he gets to have a real Bible lesson and do a craft and have snacks. This last week he was so proud to show us his craft and has really gotten into it. So, today I thought it would be fun to do something like that at home. It is finally cooling down a little bit in the evenings here, so if you get outside in the early morning, before it gets too hot, it is really nice.

This morning was one of those, with a nice breeze - in the 70's. So, after we dropped off Lauren at school, we came straight home, grabbed the wagon and went for a walk around the neighborhood. He always loves to pick up rocks and sticks as we are walking...but, today, I gave him the job of finding fall leaves to pick up off the ground. They had to be orange or red, not brown or yellow. He did a pretty good job, although there weren't that many. He was proud of his handful of leaves, so when we got home, I decided we should do a craft with them.

As soon as I said the word "craft", he got really excited - I think he remembered from Sunday school. :) We worked together and made a very cute owl hand puppet. He thought it was a blast and we named him "Tad" (mainly because that is an easy one-syllable name he can say). It was an easy craft that didn't take too long (which was the key for keeping him interested). And it's even better than artwork you just put up on the fridge, because he can actually play with it! So, now I'm thinking we should start doing a different craft each week, since he loves it so much!? Here's our cute owl:

My Growing Kids

I am getting tired of posting about medical stuff, so I am writing this time about the kids!! First of all, since Lauren started school, I have been working with Nolan each day on talking more (he's had a slow start in this area). We use flashcards that I made and he has been doing great. He now knows all his colors and shapes and we are still working on letters. Lately, it seems he says a new word each day (and he gets alot of praise from mom when he does).

Two funny ones - this morning, we drove Lauren to school and we always get there early so we can sit in carpool line and do our devotions (this way, they are strapped into their seatbelts and can't be crazy, so they HAVE to listen). We finished our devotions and I was talking to Lauren about the lesson and Nolan interrupts me and says "pray, pray". I said, "oh, you think we should pray?" He says, "yep". So, we did!

The other one that cracked me up was that I had asked Lauren to do something and she was having a bad attitude and not obeying quickly. But before I could even correct her, Nolan shouted: "La-lo obey!" (La-lo is what he calls her) Of course, she did not think this was humorous at all, but I couldn't stop myself from busting up laughing! At least he is understanding what it means to obey the first time!! :)

As for Lauren, it seems that since she started 1st grade, she is a grown-up. The way she talks, her interests, etc. For example, since she recently kicked the habit of biting her nails, she wants me to paint them all the time. We did bubblegum pink last week and this week was a lavender purple. She also is sweet on one of the boys at school and keeps referring to him as her "boyfriend". We had a talk and explained that it isn't appropriate to have "boyfriends" as this point in her life and there will be time for that later...they can just be good friends. (I can't believe we are dealing with this kind of stuff already!!) The funny part is, though, that I saw him for the first time today and I thought to myself, "He is so cute; I'd probably have a crush on him too!" At least she has good taste!

One thing that I am enjoying as she gets older is that we can share girly things together. She likes to talk about fashion now and we can paint our nails together and she'll compliment me on my hair and ask me to braid hers. It makes me feel so blessed to have a daughter, because it is really fun to have someone to share in all those feminine things with! I see a spa day in our near future!! :)

Health Update

I heard back from the doctor today and they finally got all my blood-work results in! The good news is that everything looked okay - my white blood cell count was a little high, but nothing that indicated something more serious. The Epstein-Barr lab was positive and the levels were abnormally high (this is the virus that causes mono). So, they are trying to get me in quickly to see a specialist who should be able to do some further testing and pinpoint why I keep getting this!

On the other front, I am meeting with my back doctor next week to discuss and schedule the first steroid injection into my sacroiliac joint. I will continue seeing the physical therapist weekly to work on addressing the bulging disc and, hopefully, these shots will help with the problems I've been experiencing with my hip. I also got my "wedge" and have been faithfully wearing it in my shoe to help my short leg stay in balance with the longer one and keep my hips level when I walk. It is definitely a process, but I am optimistic that we will find a resolution! :)

Fifth Time's NOT The Charm

In addition to everything I mentioned in my previous post, I have been feeling overwhelmingly tired this week. I assumed it was just an adjustment to the "back-to-school" activities...but when I started to develop other symptoms, I decided I needed to go see the doctor. So, Nolan and I went this morning and they took some blood and sent it off to the lab.

I got a call a few minutes ago from the doctor and she said I had tested positive for Mono. I almost dropped the phone - this will be my 5th time!! Because of my frequency with the disease, she asked me to come back in first thing Monday morning for some more testing...and she will also be referring me to an Auto-Immune Specialist for follow up. On Monday, they will be checking my white and red blood cell counts. She informed me that the white count being off and the positive diagnosis of mono could be an indicator for some form of lymphoma or leukemia (not exactly what I wanted to hear).

So, we are asking for your prayers once again - that the Lord will give me the strength I need to keep up with my kids and care for them while battling this illness AND that He will give wisdom to the doctors as we continue to search for answers! I am now even more looking forward to that new body God has promised us - because I need it!!!

A Lesson From Paul

I have been seeing a physical therapist since we came back from Oregon - to address the bulging disc in my back. Through the process of doing different exercises and having him evaluate me, we have discovered that it wasn't just my bulging L5 S1 disc that was causing me pain. Yesterday, after a series of tests, he determined that I also have an abnormality in my left sacroiliac joint AND my left leg is almost an inch shorter than my right leg. I now have to wear a "wedge" in my left shoe to help even myself out. He also said that I need to limit the length of time that I wear heels for...which, for those of you who know me, is like the worst news EVER!! He gave me new exercises to do based on this recent discovery and is recommending we start doing steroid injections into my hip.

I left his office yesterday feeling so defeated and discouraged. I got into my car and completely fell apart! So, I spent the whole day in prayer and tears, asking God "why?". And I felt alot like Paul, when he asks God to remove the "thorn in his flesh" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) and God says no...but that His strength would be made perfect in Paul's weakness. After my little pity party, I was able to put things into perspective and realize there are people dealing with so much worse than this. And that no matter what this means for me going forward, God is going to give me exactly what I need to deal with it. I have to keep reminding myself that God made this body and that none of this is a surprise to Him. So, I will choose to praise Him no matter what my physical circumstances...and I'm so thankful that I have a "new body" to look forward to in heaven!!! :)

Back to School

Well, today was Lauren's first day of 1st grade! She was very excited to head back to school, although Nolan was very upset. After she got out of the car, he was crying, "Me, me, me!" He wanted to go with her. :( Then, all the way home he was saying, "More Lauren!" It was cute and sad at the same time. He will miss having her around, but I'm excited for the one-on-one time he and I will have together...it's my last year with him at home before he starts preschool! (sniff, sniff)

We had a special prayer time with Lauren last night and presented her with her verse for the year, which was Matthew 5:14 & 16: "You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father." We know that God must really want her at GCA for another year, because our house still hasn't sold! She has a much smaller class this year (only 9 kids), which will mean more individual attention from the teacher, which is great!! We continue to praise the Lord for providing us with the means for her to attend a christian school. :)

Here are the pictures I took of her before getting in the car this morning:

When Lightning Strikes

Learning to trust God with our finances has been an ongoing lesson for the Smith family. Has anyone else ever felt this way? Just when we feel like we are getting ahead, a million things happen all at once! Lately we feel as if we are cursed…every day brings another unexpected expense. It is getting to the point where it is laughable – let me share with you the drama…these are the things we have had to shell out $$ for just in the last couple months:

· MRI to confirm diagnosis of a bulging disc in my L5 S1

· Physical therapy for my bulging disc

· Chest x-ray for Lauren to check for pneumonia (it was negative; turned out to be pertussis)

· 4 new tires for Ryan’s car, due to all the driving he does back and forth to work

· Repair for Ryan’s car due to hitting a coyote while driving to work in the early am

· Transmission flush and repair for my car

· New downstairs A/C unit due to a power surge when our house was struck by lightning (yes, you read that right)

As we watch our savings get completely depleted and our credit card debt increase, we have to remember that God has blessed us with so much…and we have seen much harder times than these. In situations like this, even though we want to ask “God, why??”, we know He has a plan. He is teaching us to rely more heavily on Him (like we should be doing anyway) and to praise Him when we have a little and when we have a lot. So, even though everything around us seems to be falling apart, we will continue to put our trust in the One who has never let us down, has always provided exactly what we need and continues to be faithful through all of life’s storms.

Operation Beautiful

I just read about this in a magazine and LOVED the idea of it! I started with a simple post-it note on Lauren's dresser mirror in her room, but you could do it anywhere!! :)


















The story behind it:

Caitlin Boyle, founder of Operation Beautiful, decided to put a post-it note up in a public bathroom for anyone to see who came across it. It simply read: "You are beautiful". She took a picture of the note and posted it on her blog - over the next year, hundreds of women followed suit and sent in pictures of their own random acts of encouragement; most of them put in public places...on telephone poles, on the scale at the local gym, on the copy machine at the office, on dressing room mirrors, etc.

Let's encourage other women - sisters, daughters, mothers, aunts, cousins, complete strangers...and even ourselves with this positive thinking! You may just make someone's day!! To learn more, visit http://www.operationbeautiful.com/.

Home Sweet Home

Well, we made it back safely from Oregon after an amazing 5 weeks of vacation! I was nervous about flying by myself with the two kids (I was outnumbered!), but the Lord blessed me beyond words! The kids were complete angels!! I had total strangers telling me how amazed they were at my kids' behavior. And I couldn't have been prouder - we colored, read books, had snacks and watched 1 movie on the first 4-hour flight. Then we had a 2-hour layover in Atlanta, where we ate lunch and "got our sillies out". Once we got on the 2nd plane, we were all tired (we had to wake up at 3am to leave Portland), so we snuggled up together and slept the whole way home to Charlotte!

We were all so excited to see Ryan and he was anxious to have us home (the house is pretty quiet when you're there all alone!). It took about 3 days to adjust back to East Coast time, but we are on track now. The kids have enjoyed rediscovering all their toys and it has been nice to sleep next to my husband again (minus the snoring, of course). :)

Now we're focusing on getting school supplies and ordering uniforms to get Lauren ready for 1st grade. I can't believe I have a first grader...when did that happen?!? We took her to get her hair cut yesterday and she decided she wanted to chop it. So, they cut around 4 inches off - much easier to handle in this heat (it was over 100 today!) and quicker to style before school each morning!! Here's a pic of her new 'do:

Summer Fun

I Do...Again!!

Our vow renewal ceremony last Saturday was so perfect! Everyone helped out to make it such a special day for us and it was exactly what we wanted...not the "Ryan & Kimberly Show", but a testimony of what God has done in our lives and our marriage. Only immediate family and very close friends were there and it was the most beautiful day!! The perfect way to celebrate and commemorate our 10th anniversary...here are some pictures that Ryan's brother took of the event:

Oregon or Bust!!

Well, only a few more days until we leave for our big vacation in Oregon! We are extra-excited because next Saturday, June 26th, Ryan & I will be gathering together in front of our close friends and families to renew our vows for our 10th wedding anniversary. It originally was supposed to be a surprise for Ryan, but the beans were spilled, so I had to tell him. :) My oldest nephew will be singing and playing the guitar and my sister will be singing too! We get to have it at our old church with our pastor officiating...so we're really looking forward to this special day!!

I may not be posting a blog for a while, although I'll try to put some pictures up of our activities while we're there. The kids are so anxious to see their grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles...and we are ready to get out of this humidity!! We are so thankful that we get the chance to go back and stay for a long time and build lasting memories. Ryan calls it part of our "debt enhancement program" because it isn't cheap...but so worth it!!

Loss of Tampton

Lauren experienced the loss of a great friend and pet this evening.

Tampton came to live with us three weeks ago and lived in Lauren's room around the clock. Some of the time she left him in the closet, fearing that he would "bake" in the sunlight. Most of the time he lived on her shelf. I can honestly say that she didn't pay much attention to him while he was with us and you could hardly tell she was all that connected to him. But when we discovered that he had passed away this evening, she was so distraught and in tears that she couldn't be consoled.

It might surprise you to learn that Tampton, her wonderful and dear pet Tampton, was a slug. I am serious. She found him outside a few weeks ago and begged to keep him. We took a small Glad container, punched some holes in the top, added leaves and flowers for food and a small amount of water to keep him moist and he just slimed around the container. I thought he would make it a day or two, but in total he lived 3 weeks in her room. Plucky for a slug.

We had a small funeral service for Tampton in the bathroom (I explained that fish and slugs get flushed; dogs and cats get buried in the backyard), but Lauren was too emotional to stay for "The Flushing."

I am making light of this a little bit, but in truth, it served as an opportunity for Lauren to confront the idea of death and loss. I am glad we could start on a slug instead of Casey, our cat, or a family member. Kimberly and I honored the fact that she was taking it so seriously and got to talk with her about it. All on her own before bed, Lauren got a small box out of the craft supplies, colored the inside full of beautiful colors, and on the outside wrote, "dead peple we love" with a heart and one smiley face and one sad face. She told me that she is going to fill the box with the names of those that she has lost, as a remembrance. So far she is planning on putting the names of Grandma Shorty, Tampton and Grandpa Clete.

When she prayed at bedtime, she said, "Lord, I pray for Tampton and even though he probably went to slug-heaven, I hope that he went to people-heaven and is waiting with Jesus for me." I love this little girl's heart.

Lauren's Easel

Lauren is a voracious reader, and now she is exercising her ability to write. Every so often we will find messages on the white-board easel in the play room that just crack us up. We don't know where she gets the ideas from, but these are the types of things we find (click image to enlarge):














"My meal of the day (can I have a drum roll, please?) is: papaya tea and mash potatoes and peach pie...Mmmmmm, mmm, mmm...and peas and lettuce and meat and a cookie"














"I saw a fairy today. Not only was it a fairy, it wasn't just any old fairy. Why? Because it was...Tinkerbell! You know why? Well...its a secret. Well, you know what they say: there are always definitions. Faith, trust and pixie dust."














"The Plan - Kids, remember what is happenin' December the 13. Mommy and Daddy will be gone, OK? So Miss Sarah, your babysitter, will get pizza for you for dinner, OK? She will be there to put you to sleep, OK? At 7am in the morning she will wake you up and you will come to the hospital to see me and the baby, OK? OK."

Preparing for Summer

I know I haven't posted in a while - things have been busy getting ready for the end of the school year...and we only have 5 weeks left until we leave for Oregon!! The four of us will be leaving on June 23rd - Ryan will stay through the 4th of July and then come back home. But, the kids and I will stay for a month with my parents. Needless to say, they are very excited - Lauren gets to do VBS at our old church; we have a camping trip planned with my whole family and there will be LOTS of swimming in my parents' pool!! :)

It's hard to believe that Lauren will soon be a 1st grader - she has finished kindergarten at the top of her class and is now reading 4th grade level books! She just finished a book and has now decided to try to read through her Bible...she is in the middle of Genesis already and it has prompted some very interesting discussions! :) We are so proud of her and it has been really fun to watch her get so excited about all she is learning.

As for Nolan, he is still all boy - pushing his trucks around the backyard and collecting rocks are his favorite things to do. He is still a little behind with his verbal communication, but we are working on it. His latest words are "keys" and "boo-boo". He has also gotten the hang of saying his please and thank-you's without prompting from us, which is nice (check that one off the list!). He continues to be the sweetest thing ever - he has such a repentant heart when he is disciplined and is very affectionate.

The most fun for us has been watching the kids develop a very close friendship. Just in the last month, we have really seen them connect and become "buddies". I remember when we had him, we were so worried that the 4 year age difference would be too much. But, the Lord has proved us wrong - there is nothing that warms my heart more than watching them play together, share toys and seeing Lauren read books to him. He really looks up to her and when given the opportunity, she will fiercely protect and defend him...it is so sweet!!

Here are some recent pictures:

Quick Update

The MRI they did on my brain came back normal, which we knew it would be. I have now completed my 48 hours of medication and bedrest and am feeling much better today! I still have moments of dizziness and am having to re-train myself to do things differently because of my Meniere's disease. It is a learning process that will take time, but I also have some exercises to do that really help and I'm hoping, in time, I'll get used to this "new normal".

My husband and kids pampered and spoiled me this weekend - I went from being on bedrest to being treated like a queen on Mother's Day! Ryan did a truly amazing job of caring for the kids, making meals and even doing laundry while I was laid up...he gets a BIG gold star (I think he was secretly quite happy to go back to work today)! Thank you so much for all of you who prayed for us and sent encouraging words my way! :)

Vertigo

It all started Tuesday morning...I began to feel really dizzy. I am not talking about the "I stood up too fast" kind of dizzy - I am talking about the "I have to hold on to the wall to walk" kind of dizzy. Now, I have had my fair share of dizzy spells in the past and they always go away. Well, after 24 hours of constant dizziness, there was no change. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling this way or what it could possibly be. I had not eaten anything different, I was drinking plenty of water, sleeping fine at night. Then I was talking to my mom and telling her how I'd been feeling and she said, "Oh no, this is the beginning..." What?!? What is the beginning?

When she was in her early thirties, she began to have the same problems. It turned out to be an inherited genetic inner ear disorder that her mom also had. It is sometimes called Meniere's disease or Waardenburg syndrome. The worst part about it is that there is no treatment for it really. I did some research online and all the symptoms matched mine exactly. I started to panic - I remember my mom couldn't go on certain rides at Disneyland because of it and she had episodes of fainting off and on. Was this now going to be my life??

So, I called the doctor and was able to get in to be seen this afternoon. They tried to do some simple tests, which I couldn't complete because I was so dizzy I almost passed out. My blood pressure was unusually low - 90/60 and my pulse was really low - 62. The doctor wanted to have an MRI done on my brain just to rule out the possibility of something more serious. Then, she wrote me a prescription for some medicine that has been proven to help people with bad cases of vertigo...and (here's the kicker) she said I had to be on bedrest for the next 48 hours. I told her that she better write me a note because there was no way Ryan would believe me! :)

I went to have the MRI done late this afternoon (which was the most terrifying experience for someone with claustrophobia) and we should have the results by tomorrow. Ryan is going to get my prescription filled tonight (since I can't drive) and is taking the day off tomorrow since he will be on full-time duty with the kids!! He is such a trooper - he knows what he is in for and what a terrible patient I am when it comes to laying down and doing nothing! So, you may want to say a prayer for him, if you think of it...and please pray that they can figure out what this is and some way to treat it so I can get back to my normal life!

A Little Visitor

This morning (after dropping Lauren off at school), I put on the "Cars" movie for Nolan upstairs in our bonus room and ran downstairs to make some breakfast for myself. As I was cooking the egg whites on the stove, I glanced over to see Casey (our cat) sniffing at something behind the drapes in the dining room. I went over to see what she was doing (half afraid that she had thrown up on the carpet) and screamed when I saw what it really was - a HUGE lizard!! I am not talking about the cute little salamanders that you see...I am talking a big Daddy lizard. Gross!














I was completely freaked out so I called Ryan at work and asked him what I should do. He said I had to open the front door and "usher" it back outside. Oh, sure, no problem...easier said than done!! The first thing I did was run upstairs and grab Nolan - I needed someone to protect me! I explained to him the whole process of what we needed to do and he was game. So, together we approached the lizard - me, with broom in hand, and Nolan, with the squirt bottle. At first it didn't move and I thought maybe it crawled in our house only to die. But, finally on the third nudge of the broom it scurried out from behind the curtain.

Nolan quickly ran over and squirted it with water (which he thought was helping, but I think the lizard liked it). I had the front door open and we were trying to get it headed in that direction. Well, this was either the dumbest lizard ever born or it really liked our house. Instead of crawling towards the door to freedom, it darted under the piano. GREAT...now how was I going to get it out?!? After about 5 minutes of working and aggravating the poor thing, it reluctantly came out and (appropriately) ran over to the time-out stool. :) From there, it was just one more corner and it would be out!

We finally succeeded and I quickly slammed the door and locked it shut. Nolan & I gave each other high-fives and then he said to me, "More!". As cute as it was, I informed him that we would not be doing any more of that (hopefully)! I checked the front porch 30 minutes later and "our little friend" was nowhere to be seen. I was relieved our adventure was over, but then I started thinking...how did it get inside the house...and how long had it been here? There is probably no way to know, but I am just praying we don't have any more visitors this spring!! :)

Back to My Roots

In an effort to save money at the hairdressers AND to look more "natural" as I grow older, I finally took the plunge and died my hair back to its true color. I had begun this process in January and was slowly but surely getting there...but this time I decided to just go for it all the way - this brown is a little more golden than my real color, but pretty much the same shade. Blondes may have more fun, but I think brunettes are more mysterious looking! :) Ryan loved it right away (because this is how I looked when we first met in high school), but Lauren & Nolan may need some more time to get used to it - her words were, "You look like a whole different mother!" Here is the before and after:

Family Visit

We are blessed to have Ryan's mom and 98-year-old grandmother with us for the week of Lauren's spring break! The kids are thrilled to have them here and we have had so much fun spending time together. The weather has been beautiful for their entire visit - in the low to mid 80's and not a cloud in sight! We've had the chance to go to a botanical garden, go for walks through the neighborhood and spend Easter Sunday together. Here are some pictures we've taken...

Mother/Daughter Journal

Today I ran a little errand over to the LifeWay Christian Bookstore. I was on a mission to find a journal for Lauren and I to share. The idea is to have a special journal for just the two of us - a place where I can write her encouragement notes, thoughts, dreams I have for her or verses I come across that I want her to read. And for her to be able to share her heart with me...to write out things that she may be feeling, but has a hard time verbalizing or to tell me things that are going on at school; etc. Now that she is reading and writing so well, I thought this was a perfect time to start. And I'm hoping that once we get into the habit of using it, it will become a great tool to keep the lines of communication open when she heads into the tween/teen years. Plus, it will be fun to look back on when she is older and what a precious keepsake for me to treasure when she leaves the house (sniff)!

I came home with the perfect journal for us - totally girlie with flowers and Proverbs 3:5 printed on the front (one of my favorite verses). I proudly wrote inside: This journal belongs to Kimberly & Lauren Smith. I took it into her room and explained to her what it was for and how it would work - when I write something for her, I will place it on her nightstand. Then, when she has written something for me to read, she puts it on my nightstand. She was very excited about this idea and after I left her room, she promptly wrote the first message: I love you mom. It melted my heart...looking forward to many more "journal conversations"!

Update on Nolan

Thank you so much for your prayers as Nolan underwent his test. I wouldn't say it went "well" because he screamed the whole time - the nurse and I together struggled to hold him down (he's a strong boy!) But, we survived and they were able to get all the pictures they needed.

We had our follow-up appointment (and his 2-year checkup) with our pediatrician on Wednesday - she had good news and bad for us. The good news was that they found no abnormalities or deformities with his esophagus or stomach. The bad news was that they caught pictures of him refluxing. This was after having taken his medicine that morning. So, even on a double dose of Prilosec, he is still suffering.

She said that, unfortunately, this severity of acid reflux isn't outgrown and it is something we will need to manage and medicate for the rest of his life. Which means cutting out the foods that trigger it, like pizza and spaghetti, orange juice and citrus. We were given the option of trying a different medicine that may work better for him, so we might experiment with that to see if it helps more than what he is currently taking.

Even though it is not a serious medical condition, it is still hard to think that your child will be stuck having to take medicine every day for the rest of their lives. It made me sad for him, but at the same time, I know that the doctors don't know everything and that God could still work a miracle and heal him from it someday. So, that is what we are now praying for!!

Our Little Man Turns 2

Hard to believe, isn't it?!? Today we celebrated Nolan's 2nd birthday! I spent most of the day baking, carving and frosting his monster truck cake - I felt like I was on one of those reality cake shows. By the end of the day, I had black and green frosting dried under my finger nails and my skin itself was stained! It didn't turn out perfect, but for doing it on my own without a special cake pan, it was pretty good. And he loved it!! Here are some pictures:

Request for Prayer

As most of you know who have been following our blog, Nolan has suffered from some pretty severe acid reflux since birth. He has been on all different kinds of medication for it, but had been doing well on one daily dose of Prilosec...until recently. His sleep patterns have changed, he's not eating as well and points to his chest and says "Owee". A week ago, we increased his dose to twice a day and that has made little to no difference.

So, tomorrow morning at 11:00am (EST), we are taking him to the hospital to have an Upper GI test performed. They had wanted to do this on him when he was an infant and we declined. But, now we are pursuing it in hopes of some answers. He will drink some juice with contrast in it and then they will take x-rays of his chest. It takes about an hour, but the worst part is that he can't eat all morning before the test is performed. So, that will be rough! :( It won't tell us anymore about his acid reflux...but they want to look for abnormalities or deformities in that area to rule it out.

Thankfully, Ryan is able to work from home tomorrow and can be there with me to help. Please pray for our little man - that he handles it all well, that the results of this test will give us peace of mind and show us what steps we need to take next. Thanks so much for your support!!

Last Journal Entry

I have been feeling lately like there is always something out there, just beyond my grasp, that I cannot have but that I believe will make me more happy and fulfilled if I could somehow get my hands on it. But I couldn’t, and it left me feeling anxious, empty and depleted. I reach, but I cannot grasp, not just for material things, but for expectations of how my life could or should be.

Through this time of quiet reflection, it has become clear to me that I should have been reaching for God, instead of reaching for happiness. Trying harder to be happy or content will not make me happy and content; trying harder to rest in God and depend upon His grace will. It is a spiritual issue, not a practical one. Contentedness will not come from being more organized, sleeping longer, being a better wife, selling the house or having more time to myself. Contentedness is learned in the process of daily accepting life as God gives it to me, and adjusting my expectations to life’s limitations.

If it is God’s will for me to endure these circumstances, then He is not asking me to do more than I am able (I Corinthians 10:13) and He is not withholding from me anything that I truly need (Philippians 4:19; James 2:2-8). If I choose to, I can learn to be content with the life that God has given to me, whether I have a little or a lot to live it with. What keeps me from being content is not what God is or isn’t supplying. The real problem is that I, Kimberly, have not been adjusting my expectations to life’s limitations—I want more than I can have, ask for more than I need, strive for more than I can do, and expect more than God has promised.

Now, having seen this, I can ask for forgiveness. I can ask for God’s help to break this cycle I’ve been in and to seek Him for the things I need…to find my contentedness in Him alone and to allow Him to change my heart. I am so grateful I had this time away to listen to what He wanted to show me, to rest and “refill my cup” and to realize these important truths. God is a mystery and a healer.

All I Ever Have To Be

As I was journaling this afternoon, the Lord brought to my mind an old song that I haven't heard in ages, but it so perfectly fits with where I am at right now. For you old school Amy Grant fans, you may recognize this...

When the weight of all my dreams,
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of help and hope,
Have all been nicely said.
But, I'm still hurting,
Wondering if I'll ever be the one I think I am,
I think I am.

Then You gently re-remind me,
That You've made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best,
The more I get the worst.

And I realize the good in me,
Is only there because of who You are,
Who You are.

And all I ever have to be is what You've made me,
Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan.
As you daily recreate me, help me always keep in mind,
That I only have to do what I can find.

And all I ever have to be,
All I have to be,
All I ever have to be
Is what You've made me.

More Thoughts...

God is more powerful, mysterious, and wonderful than we can ever imagine. He cannot be contained by our thoughts or definitions and is, in a sense, wild and untamable and bigger than we are in every way. And yet He is also a God who goes to great lengths to reveal Himself to us, to remind us that He is present in all the minutes of our lives. If we have eyes to see and ears to hear, the evidence of His power and presence is all around us. And those moments when we see Him revealed teaches us so much. Even in the darkest moments of our own small lives, He gives us reason to trust him, to anticipate the miraculous, and to dream of what is yet to come.

Words to Think About

I can't explain how the whole "goodness-of-God, suffering-of-man" thing works, but I know that God cannot - does not - wrong His children. He can't. Inconceivably holy, God cannot sin. He is unapproachable Light and He has no dark side. My God is huge. My God is wise, and my God will redeem. If He has allowed me to be put in these difficult circumstances, then He entrusted that suffering to me because He has faith in me...to live up to it.

Mother's Wisdom

My mom bought me a devotional book a while back called "Jesus Calling" - it is great because it is a short paragraph or two with some verses that is easy for me to do in the morning...and I love it because it is written as if Jesus is talking to you. The other day, when I called my mom in tears, she reminded me to read the devotional for that day (how did she know that I hadn't yet?!?). I have been reading it and re-reading it since then and wanted to share it with you:

"I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold my hand in trusting dependence, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy - even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting my promises to care for you.

Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go."

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. ~ Psalm 32:8

A Surprise Retreat

Ryan got back from his trip to Maine late last night and informed me this morning that I needed to pack a bag. "For what?", I asked. He said that he had made reservations for me at a hotel in Lexington (overlooking the vineyards), about 30 minutes away, for the weekend. He told me he would handle everything with the kids and any showings and church, etc...but that I needed a weekend of relaxation and quiet.

Of course, at first I was tempted to protest. All these thoughts ran through my head:

• What if he forgets to give Lauren her medicine?
• What if Nolan freaks out because I'm not there to put him to bed?
• How will he do Lauren's hair for church by himself?

But then I realized...he would never suggest this unless he really believed I needed it. And, through tears, I realized that I do need it. I don't know what it is about my personality that makes it so hard for me to ask for help or admit that I am not superwoman. And, truth be told, during difficult times, I usually do rise to the occasion and get everything done. But, lately, the stress of the house sale and Ryan being gone alot and the kids being sick...it has begun to overwhelm me. I haven't been the kind of wife or mother I want to be and the depression has started to creep back in.

I know there will probably be people who read this and think that it's crazy that I'd need a weekend away to recharge. Or people who will think it is selfish of me to do this. But, I am looking forward to using this as an opportunity to spend quiet time with the Lord...to "be still" before Him and allow Him to show me His plan. And for Him to strengthen and encourage me for the road ahead. For the next couple of days, I will be using our blog as a journal, of sorts, to share with you all the ways God is speaking to me and the things He is showing me.

Lastly, and maybe most importantly, I will say this - it takes a very wise, loving and selfless husband to recognize a need in his wife and to provide the means for her to heal. I am incredibly grateful for his sensitivity towards me and his willingness to give me this time.

Perseverance

I love it when the Lord gives me something that is exactly what I need to hear. I opened up my devotional book this morning and read the lesson for yesterday, February 22, because I was a day behind. And it was the perfect reminder to me - this is from My Utmost for His Highest...

"Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. God calls us to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated.

If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, "because you have kept My command to persevere..." (Revelation 3:10)"

Low Offers & Sick Kiddo

What a crazy few days it has been around the Smith household! It all started Thursday afternoon when I picked up Lauren from school. She said she had been coughing alot in class and felt like her eyes were burning. Sure enough, when I took her temperature at home, she was running a low fever. So, I gave her some tylenol and set her up on the couch.

Even though she said she felt better in the morning, I kept her home from school on Friday (she was quite bummed because it was "Western Day" and she wanted to wear her cowgirl hat and bandana). The fever continued to fluctuate throughout the day and her cough only got worse. I felt terrible because we HAD to leave the house for a showing in the afternoon and she really didn't feel up to it. It was a 2nd showing, which was a good sign...and as it turned out, these people really liked the house. They were relocating here from Rhode Island and were trying to make a decision by the end of the weekend.

Friday night we got a call from our realtor that we had an offer! We were so excited and just praising the Lord and celebrating...UNTIL we saw what the offer was. Now, I understand that the economy is slow and people are getting crazy deals on houses, but this was ridiculous. After praying about it, we decided to counter-offer to see what they would do. They counter-offered back. We countered again and told them this was the lowest we could accept. They decided to go to their 2nd choice house and make an offer there. :( As disappointed as we were, we knew we had done the right thing.

In the midst of this whole real estate game, we had calls for two more showings on Saturday. Again, we were making Lauren leave the house and she was getting worse by the minute - over 103 degree fever and her cough sounded awful. So, when we finally got home, we put both the kids to bed early and we, too, were in bed by 9pm!! Then this morning, Lauren woke up vomiting...unfortunately, she had forgotten the "bucket" we had put by her bed and we have white carpets!! So, off Ryan ran to rent a carpet cleaning machine to see if we could get the stains out...all the while I am PRAYING we don't get a call for a showing! (Praise the Lord, we didn't...and the stains came out!!)

So, needless to say, I will be taking Lauren in to the doctor tomorrow to have them check her out and see if she needs an antibiotic. Oh, and did I mention that my husband is leaving this afternoon on a trip?!? Not the best timing, but I keep reminding myself that the Lord has consistently provided for us in times of need when Ryan is gone and He is faithful to give me the strength I need to get through each day. But, as always, we appreciate your prayers!!

Valentine's Day Surprise

Normally, Ryan and I don't exchange gifts with each other on Valentine's Day...or if we do, it is just cards or something very small. However, this year, he informed me that he DID want to do gifts. Thankfully, he gave me some advance notice, so I had time to figure out what I was going to get him. He hinted that my gift was going to be some kind of a "break" or "relaxation package". I assumed this meant a massage or pedicure at the spa. So, you can imagine my surprise when I opened up this 6.65 carat green amethyst ring:













This particular stone is one of my favorites and I have always joked that when we won the lottery, he could buy one for me. I was beyond shocked!! I just sat there for a while looking at it in disbelief. Knowing that we didn't really have the money for a gift like that made me appreciate it even more. He knows how hard this year has been on me, with him traveling so much and being gone from home more with his long commute...and even though he has been great to support and encourage me through it, this was quite the GRAND gesture. He definitely hit it out of the park on this one and I'll be letting him know that for months to come!!

More Snow!!

This has been the craziest winter for us in North Carolina! I posted the snow pictures from a few weeks ago and last night, it started snowing AGAIN!! We got as much snow as the last storm and this time we got to go out and enjoy it together as a family. Nolan didn't get to play outside last time, so this was his first experience in the snow. He absolutely loved it! We made a mini-snowman, did snow angels, went sledding on the golf course and threw snowballs into the creek. It was a blast! I think I had as much fun as the kids did going sledding - made me feel young again...I kept running to find a steeper slope to go down! :) Here are some pictures from our day...