The Human Dilemma of Destiny

This week has been an interesting one, full of ups and downs...and more than anything, continued uncertainty about the future. On Monday, Ryan was asked back for a second interview at Lenox, which is in MA. They are going to fly him out the first week in March. Amazingly, I didn't panic when I heard this news nor did my head spin about the possibility of moving to another state even FURTHER away from Oregon.

Then on Tuesday, I attended my women's Bible Study at the church (we are doing Beth Moore's study on the book of Esther). The video lesson we watched felt like it was directed right at me. I realized that the Lord has been trying to gently tell me something and obviously, I wasn't responding...so Tuesday, it was as if He was shouting it from the rooftops. And, believe me, I heard Him this time.

The lesson was talking about the dilemma of destiny from a human perspective. In other words, fulfilling your God-appointed destiny (or His will for your life) never comes without some inner conflict. It is often a crisis that God uses to pivot our direction...and when He does, it may seem to us like it is the worst timing and that it is an unreasonable expectation. We can certainly relate to that - it seemed to us that it didn't make sense that God would have us move from NC right now, when we've just built friendships, gotten plugged in at church, picked a kindergarten for Lauren, etc. And it seems completely unreasonable (especially given the current state of our economy) that God would ask us to try and sell our house right now and move to a brand new place.

Then she made a statement that hit me like a ton of bricks: "When God stops short of revealing something that we think we need to know, He is calling us to faith." It was convicting, but also a great reminder. Because I do feel like I need to know if we're going or staying and if we are leaving, where is it we are headed? But, God is telling us (for right now, at least) that we don't need to know...we need to just trust Him and patiently wait on Him for the answers, which He will reveal in His own perfect time.

Since then, I have spent alot of time praying and pondering these things and the overwhelming sense that I get is that God is preparing my heart and working in me to be ready for what comes next. I am not saying that means He is going to move us somewhere again, but I do believe He's making it clear that whatever job Ryan takes, it will be a significant change for our family. I have to admit, I am terrified. I trust the Lord with my life and I know that He knows what is best for me (better than I do myself), but I am still afraid.

To further add to my confusion, the school that was our first choice for Lauren for kindergarten held their "lottery" today. We got a phone call this afternoon and said that she made it - we were the first family they called. I was so thrilled, but bewildered at this same time. I wanted to shout, "Lord, what does this mean?!? Does this even matter?" And He reminded me, in His not-so-subtle way, of a verse that is all I need to know:

"And you shall know that I am the Lord your God.
It is I who made you, and you are mine."

~Psalm 100:3a